MUSH MUSH!
Landon and I
She's so pretty
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Cookies And Cream On The Outside, Devil On The Inside
My life has been filled with so many new experiences, thoughts, feelings, emotions, fears, responsibilities and joys that I have never been faced with before. I worry that the kids wont find the right kind of friends and then if they do will be the right kind of friend back? I stress about money. I'm learning how to cultivate real and long lasting relationships among deep throngs of emotional insecurities and fears. I've had to learn to be more selfless and patient. I've had to stay up later and get up earlier. My life has evolved from a single girls life to a mother of three.
With this new life I'm creating comes all sorts of battles. None of which are truly as big as they feel at the time of fruition. There are times that I feel my heart jumping up into my throat and it's all I can do to not lash out uncontrollably. it's over the dumb things too. Underwear on the floor, not going to sleep fast enough, can't decide what to eat for dinner, fighting over video games... (the list could go on forever...) But when it comes to the things that really matter I have a soft heart and an open mind. I can have compassion in difficult situations. Patience when there's a broken heart.
I've always envisioned myself being the free spirited and happy-go-lucky mother. Now that I'm near that role my perspective has changed a bit. I don't think being a true parent allows you to be JUST the fun parent. I believe to be a parent that your children will come to love and respect you have to have rules and stick to them. You have to force responsibility on your kids bad behavior. You HAVE to be able to yell louder than the TV or stereo! I think Drake put that sort of contrast perfectly when he told me the other day "Rachel, you're like cookies and cream on the outside and on the inside you're like the devil."
Kids are awesome!
I FEEL JUST LIKE THAT!!! I FEEL sweet, delicious, fun and enjoyable like cookies and cream so much of the time. Then other times I TOTALLY feel like the devil. I yell, get frustrated, discipline and fume. I know I'm not perfect. I will try to have more cookies and cream moments than devil moments. I will learn to love more perfectly.
(As I'm writing this Drake came down and performed a mime show for me.... cookies and cream...)
With this new life I'm creating comes all sorts of battles. None of which are truly as big as they feel at the time of fruition. There are times that I feel my heart jumping up into my throat and it's all I can do to not lash out uncontrollably. it's over the dumb things too. Underwear on the floor, not going to sleep fast enough, can't decide what to eat for dinner, fighting over video games... (the list could go on forever...) But when it comes to the things that really matter I have a soft heart and an open mind. I can have compassion in difficult situations. Patience when there's a broken heart.
I've always envisioned myself being the free spirited and happy-go-lucky mother. Now that I'm near that role my perspective has changed a bit. I don't think being a true parent allows you to be JUST the fun parent. I believe to be a parent that your children will come to love and respect you have to have rules and stick to them. You have to force responsibility on your kids bad behavior. You HAVE to be able to yell louder than the TV or stereo! I think Drake put that sort of contrast perfectly when he told me the other day "Rachel, you're like cookies and cream on the outside and on the inside you're like the devil."
Kids are awesome!
I FEEL JUST LIKE THAT!!! I FEEL sweet, delicious, fun and enjoyable like cookies and cream so much of the time. Then other times I TOTALLY feel like the devil. I yell, get frustrated, discipline and fume. I know I'm not perfect. I will try to have more cookies and cream moments than devil moments. I will learn to love more perfectly.
(As I'm writing this Drake came down and performed a mime show for me.... cookies and cream...)
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